


3 Men 1 Beach House

by Kujo_supernova



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil, Steven Universe (Cartoon), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Crack Crossover, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, M/M, Male Slash, Post-Steven Universe Future, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kujo_supernova/pseuds/Kujo_supernova
Summary: During a rainy night, Greg, Joseph, and River spend the night at the beach house. Soon, the trio discovers their hidden feelings for each other.
Relationships: Greg Universe/Joseph Joestar, Greg Universe/River Butterfly, Greg Universe/River Butterfly/Joseph Joestar, River Butterfly/Joseph Joestar
Kudos: 4





	3 Men 1 Beach House

“Hurry up! Hurry up! The storm is getting crazier!”

Yelled a bearded man with short brown hair. He was running to the beach house with two other guys following him, a short man with a long, blonde beard wearing what appears to be something of royalty and the other who was older than the two, almost in his 80s, wearing a woolen hat and a heavy beige coat. The three managed to get to the beach house in the heavy rain all soaking wet.

“Note to self, never try to go out boating before a big storm happens.” says the brown-haired man. 

“Oh come on Greg!” the blond, bearded man yelled. “It’s not that bad! Back on Mewni, we Johansen’s all love fishing in the rain!”

“Yeah to you River,” The man, named Greg, replied. “But not us. Look at Joseph! He looks like he's about to pass out!”

“Don’t worry...about me…” The old man, named Joseph, tiredly. “I’m just not used to running that fast...blame old age.” As he finished his words, he walked slowly to the couch to catch his breath. Greg looked at him with a look of guilt.

“I’m sorry for making you run in that rain, I wished I could have brought enough umbrellas for the two of you. And I hate that you have to stay over here away from your wife.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll let Suzi know where I am. Say, where are those three girls of yours?”

“Oh, you mean the gems? They are probably taking care of the other gems back in Little Homeworld.” 

When Greg finished his reply, he started walking upstairs to his (well actually his son Steven’s) room. “I’m gonna go change my clothes, be back shortly.” 

While Greg disappeared into his bedroom, River looked at Joseph with a miffed look on his face. Not hesitating to take off his coat in front of Joseph, revealing his naked body. “Pfft! That Greg, what does he know?” 

River turned around to speak to Joseph, but before he could say something he noticed how the old man was awkwardly staring into him, almost like he was in amazement of something.

“Ummm...Joseph?” River questioned. “Are you okay?”

Joseph immediately snapped out of his daze when he heard River’s words. “Oh, um….sorry. I guess I was in a zone. That rain was getting to me.”

“...Okay, I’m just going to talk to Greg.”

River walked upstairs as Joseph was resting on the couch to continue catching his breath. What was that moment?

* * *

Upstairs, Greg was laying on the bed, shirtless, he still couldn’t get over what happened today. It was meant to be a nice day out to go boating with his River and Joseph on the new boat he brought with his money. Ever since his son left to travel the states, the latter two became comfort buddies to him. Sure there was Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, but they were busy with their own lives to hang out with him. Plus, it was nice to have male friends compared to the female friends he met. Though River almost ruined it by going diving into the ocean to go fishing his way. He almost started to drown until thankfully Greg was able to pull him out with a net that was installed with the boat. It also didn’t help that it was starting to rain which later turned into a big storm the moment they pulled him in. Still, despite this, he did admit it was nice while it lasted.

“Greg?”

Greg stopped with his thoughts when he heard someone calling his name. It was River who was also standing on the top of the stairs, shirtless. It didn’t take a while to notice how...kind hot he is with those abs. Come to think of it, he did notice during the boat trip when River was shirtless on the boat, he would always notice how hot he was. Wait, why was he thinking these kinds of things? It wasn’t like he was into guys was he? Before he could think more...unusual thoughts, he was interrupted by River calling his name again.

“Oh, sorry River! What’s up?”

“I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Is Joseph okay?

“Yeah, he’s just resting. Ya, mind if I join you?”

At first, Greg wanted to say no thanks, but for some reason, he just couldn’t say no.

“Sure I don’t….mind.”

River questioned Greg hesitance, but shrugged it off, walked over to the bed and layed down with Greg on the bed.

For the next few minutes, it was almost complete silence, like they didn’t know what else to say. They both just stared at the ceiling, along with their thoughts. Then, River suddenly broke the silence.

“Um...Greg.”

“Yes, River?”

“Do you think I’m a bad friend?” “What!?” Greg yelled out. “I don’t think you’re a bad friend at all! Sure you can be crazy at times, but not a bad friend!”

Despite Greg’s positive answer, it didn’t seem to uplift his mood.

“Is this about what happened on the boat?” Greg asked. “Because look as much as that nearly drowned, at least you’re okay.”

“Yeah,” River replied. “But I nearly ruined your boating trip. Maybe I don’t deserve to be your-”

Before River could finish, Greg picked him up from his shoulders to stare him in the face.

“Look River. I’ve met a lot of strange people, even my wife was just as strange as you. You may be crazy but you’re NOT a bad friend. You’re brave and strong. And that’s why I....”

Greg was almost tongue-tied at that last word.

“I….”

“I what?”

Greg couldn’t say anything. All he could do was move closer and kiss River on the lips. River was confused at this, but for some reason, he didn’t feel pushing Greg back and just let Greg finish the kiss. When Greg moved back, he was breathing heavily. Like, he can’t believe he just did that. 

“Wha...what was that?” River questioned.

“I...I think I like you.” Greg answered.

“You what?”

“I mean I like, like you. I dunno when it came to be, but ever since you came to my life, I just have been having these feelings for you.”

As Greg finished his confession, he expected River to either react with disgust or scold him for the kiss. But instead, he reacted with a hearty laugh. And grabbed Greg on the shoulder.

“Oh, Greg.” River finally replied. “That is such a relief because I’ve been having feelings for you too!”

“Wait, what? You actually like...as in like like me?”

“Yep!”

“But don’t you have Moon, you’re wife?”

“Eh, she probably wouldn’t mind. After all, there is always room for one more.”

Greg was confused at how happily River was taking this. Especially this was a man who was already married and risking cheating on his wife. But on the other hand, he didn’t care. As long as River was happy, he was happy.

“So what do you want to do now?” Greg asked.

River grabbed the arms “Let’s make out.” And immediately kissed him, harder than Greg’s kiss. Greg didn’t hesitate and kissed back harder as well.

* * *

Downstairs, having woken up from his little nap, Joseph started taking off his hat, coat, and flip flops, leaving him in nothing but his shorts and a tank top. He still has his muscular figure, but he wasn’t as strong as he was in his younger years. He looked around wondering what was taking River so long, hoping he would be coming back downstairs after talking to Greg. Slowly, he walked upstairs, expecting that he and Greg were fast asleep.

But he could be no wrong.

What he saw instead was the two men, naked, making out. At first, he was about to shout his expected “OH MY GOD” line, but he didn’t have the urge to. In fact, he kinda liked seeing the two men making out. 

As both Greg and River were tongue wrestling with each other, Greg spotted Joseph. The sight of him caused him to immediately push River off of him as he stumbled his words trying to explain himself.

“Oh Joseph, I...I didn’t see you there!”

“Were you two, making out?” he asked.

Greg was almost tempted to explain himself, but River stood up and interrupted him.

“Yes we were making out!” he answered the old man. “And what about it, we love each other and that’s final! What are you gonna do about it.”

When River said those last lines proudly, Joseph immediately walked over to him. Greg wasn’t sure what he was going to do to River. But what happened next was something that he didn’t expect. As Joseph went near River, he grabbed the blonde man by the shoulders, slowly moved near his face, and kissed him hard. Greg looked at this scene in complete shock, that the old man was suddenly kissing his new lover. And he wasn’t alone on this as River was just as shocked as Greg that Joseph was kissing him. He pushed Joseph away from him as he wiped his lip from that weird kiss.

“What the hell was that?!” River yelled in anger.

“That was a kiss,” Joseph replied. “I kissed you.”

“But, but why?! Aren’t you married?”

“Says you. Besides, Suzi is old news, was going to divorce me anyway, so why not get a new lover?”

River was in shock that he was cheating on his wife, though he wasn’t one to talk since he was doing the same to Greg.

“You know what!” Greg yelled out, “Who cares about our wives! My wife is gone and she probably would have been happy that I’m moving on. So honestly...”

As Greg said his last line, he crawled across the bed to Joseph, grabbed his head, and kissed him, hard and passionately. Joseph, despite the suddenness of this, kissed back and leaned over towards Greg. Greg started taking off his tank top, leaving him in nothing but his naked body, showing off his abs. 

“Huh, didn’t know you still have muscle in you.”

“That’s what keeping healthy is for!”

“Hey!” River yelled out. “What about me?”

“Oh don’t worry,” said Joseph “You’re welcome as well!”

River squealed in delight as he joined back in with Greg, this time with Joseph around. What turned into a simple makeout turned into a three-man threesome. Greg was passionately kissing Joseph as River was kissing Greg’s back. All three men grinding each other with them moaning in passion, feeling themselves in the heat of this new love affair. As they were in the middle of this orgy, Joseph felt something in his shorts. Breaking from the kiss, he took off his shorts and sure enough, there was something sticking out of his underwear.

_No…._

“What’s wrong?” Greg asked.

“I think…” Joseph answered. “I think I got a boner.”

_NO…._

Greg crawled over to Joseph and noticed his erection. He starts pulling his underwear down and was met with his big, long…

_**NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!** _

**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ **

* * *

“Aw come on I was just getting to the good part!” Peridot yelled.

“No!” Josuke yelled. “I don’t fucking care! I’m done! I’m fucking done! God, I can’t get the image of Mr. Joestar’s balls out of my head. UGH!”

Apparently, Peridot gathered everyone to the beach house to listen to the new story she’s been writing. Ever since she’s been binge-watching the new Camp Pining Hearts reboot, she’s been on a roll with making these stories, or fanfics as she heard. But lately, it has taken to writing fanfics about people she knew.

“Oh come on, my fanfic was getting good. Right guys?”

The crowd, composed of Steven (via video call), Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, Jotaro, Josuke, and Star, were all in agreement of what the heck was going on with the story. Especially, how it would have continued if Josuke hadn’t interrupted. 

Steven and Connie just looked at each other silently in disgust. The former wished he could have stopped Peridot sooner, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Especially since she wrote stories about him and Connie before, minus the…weirder parts. Pearl’s reaction was also the same as Steven and Connie’s. Especially when she noticed how Greg was written, not himself in his story. Amethyst was different from the three as she looked like she was about to burst out laughing. Sure she was disgusted, but the way the story was written was so bad it was funny, but she held her composure to try and not hurt Peri’s feelings. Garnet didn’t show a reaction, but she also was not fond of Peri’s story. And with her future vision, she knew what happened next was not going to be even more pretty. Jotaro was also the same. He was thankfully glad his grandmother, Suzi Q, was not here to hear the story. Especially during the part where Joseph said he was going to cheat on her, considering their current issues. Josuke was the most expressive about his disgust with the story. To the point he wished Crazy Diamond to come and fix his eyes from imagining his dad privates and almost doing the do. Finally, Star sat there with a blank stare. Apparently, that story broke her that she couldn’t muster out the words. She just couldn’t believe she had to read about her dad cheating on her mom.

“So?” Peridot asked again, breaking the silence. “What do you think of my story so far?”

“Well…” Steven replied. “It could use a little work”

“Yeah, a lot of work.”

“Definitely, a lot of work.” 

“Ditto.”

“Seconded.”

“Eh, it was okay.”

“Please…”

“...Uh, I mean yeah you do need a lot of work with your story.”

“Well,” Peridot looked at the paper. “There are a few errors, maybe I should go and fix them before I read the rest.”

“Few is saying something.” said Josuke before getting a hit in the head by an invisible fist (probably Star Platinum).

As Peridot is walking to the warp pad to go back to Little Homeworld and everyone is going back to normal business, they are all interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

“Hey everyone, we’re back!” yelled Greg as he busted in wearing his captain’s outfit. Alongside him were Joseph wearing a tank top, shorts, and flip flops holding baby Shizuka, and River, who had no shirt on and was just in his pants, apparently soaking wet.

“Hey, Dad!” Steven yelled over the phone.

“Hey, Steven! How’re your travels?”

“It’s been fine. Just taking a break. How are you doing?”

“Oh me, Joseph, and River just came back from a boating trip.”

“Yeah,” spoke Joseph. “It was a wacky adventure.”

“What do you mean whacky?” Steven asked.

The two men didn’t say anything, only pointing to a soaking wet River Butterfly.

“Dad,” Star questioned. “What did you do?”

“What? All I did was do fishing my way!” River angrily shouted out. “And in the end, we did survive. I even caught a big, long-” 

River’s words were interrupted by the sound of Josuke screaming and running into the bathroom. They could hear the sound of him retching and throwing up. The three men stared at whatever the heck just happened.

“I was just going to say I caught a big, long mackerel. What’s wrong with him?”

“It’s a long story…” Steven meekly replied.

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!


End file.
